My thoughts on texting and why some men absolutely suck nuts at the unwritten rules of texting etiquette

Disclaimer: This is not about you.

Let me warn you now that this is going to be a raving rant about how some people (mostly men) drive me absolutely bad shit crazy when it comes to their texting methods (or lack thereof).

Since I'm out on STD (short term disability you pervs you, not what I know you're all thinking...) I've spent countless number of nights up ravishing thought catalog's articles. Last night I stumbled upon this little ditty, http://thoughtcatalog.com/emily-bozek/2014/01/12-rules-men-should-follow-when-texting-women/#1hm5Wdk1PXKGBWtJ.01 about texting and rules men should follow when texting women - let me just say I could not agree more with every rule in this article, and especially #5. For those of you who know me, it drives me ABSOLUTELY insane when I text you and you take your sweet ass time replying back to me. The only exception, like the article mentions, is if your ass is admitted to the hospital or you got yourself into some sort of gruesome mess. I understand we all have lives of our own and sometimes we're not attached at the hip to our phones, but with that being said we all check our phones at some point in the day and I know you can be ever so courteous to reply to a woman's text if you see there's a new one in your goddamn inbox, especially if (heaven forbid) you're talking, trying to score, banging, or dating the chick.

With that being said, coming from me personally, if you reply back to my 2 pm text at midnight, don't expect me to be bounding with happiness that you finally texted back. In fact, if you pull a move like that, I like to do this thing where I "boycott" you the next day and I won't text you. The idea behind that is you'll text me, but I've come to find it generally doesn't work out that way, and if it does, the text doesn't come until after 10 pm. All I'll say is bottom line, if you don't get a text back from me within say, half an hour to an hour tops, somethings wrong and my ass is admitted in the hospital and I don't have access to my phone to tell you my ass is admitted or I'm peeved as all hell with you and hate your friggin' guts for the time being because more than likely my phone is right next to me and I just don't want to reply because you're a jerk face and I'm being stubborn. Oh and if I do reply, you can expect me to be somewhat short with you. And again, for those of you who know me, I am generally not a short person - in fact if you ask some people I know they'll tell you very sarcastically that I never have much to say at all.

Piggybacking off of that, as #1 says, seriously, text us first because we eat that shit up. I hate feeling like I have to text you to initiate a friggin' conversation every time I want to talk to you. Yes, I might be a bit of a chatty Kathy sometimes, being a Gemini I love me some communication and thrive off of it, but in all honesty, it would be great if you send me the message first. And as #2 and #8 says, get more creative than "What's up?" and if you're looking to "hang out" with me either grow some fucking balls and ask me out on a date or forget about it already. I mean, will I "hang out" with you? Yes, I will, but I'm more than confident in you that you have the capability to ask me out on a date already. You might even get smart enough to ask me how my day is going throughout the day like #9, and lettme tell you, if you do that you're gonna have women everywhere squealing like little girls and bragging about how awesome you are.

Lastly, please don't ever give me the excuse that "you're not good at texting" or "you don't like to text when _____" or any other shit for brains excuse you can think of why you aren't texting because if you have any sort of talking or dating intentions with that women, you're going to do whatever possible to get in her good graces and impress her. So let me make it easy for you, and please, spare me the bullshit and just fucking text back already kapeesh? Thanks.


Phew. End rant.

I'm a poet, and I know it

So poetry doesn't technically count as "blogging" but I wrote these a month or so ago and felt the need to share them since I haven't written in about a dark age so BOOM! Here ya go kids:

Absent Minded

Take back what you said.

It’s not what you said we’d say.

Take back what I heard you say.

It’s not too late; it’s not too late tonight.

We’re absent, our minds.

Tonight, when we’re alone, you’ll enter my bones.

And that’s when I’ll come alive.

Breathing slowly, help me to see what I need to survive.

Tonight, later when the time is right,

Under the intoxicant light, I’ll choke on my dark moans.

Look at the mess we’ve made.

I gave you all control, but you’re suffocating me.

Follow my lead, oh, how I need somebody.

I’ve looked everywhere, haven’t found him yet.

It’s not too late, I still see straight.

Let me go, let me go.

Before it’s too late,

And I keep coming back for more.

Resurrected Fear

Is this how you want me? One more smile, one more bed?

I know you hate it, but wait just a little bit more.

No, stop, please hurry; come take what you came here for.

My lust is burning, don’t let me slip away.

Then you touched me, in the background.

It broke me, I broke down.

Pulled me closer, in the background.

Oh, I didn’t know love could hurt this way.

I’m not your first; you’re not my last.

But you brought me back to life.

Late one night, you set me free.

And I felt complete.

I swear it’s different because I’m lonely.

But they can’t love me; they can’t love what I don’t show.

And this morning I woke up with this overwhelming fear of love.

And I’m not sure if I can resurrect you.