30-Day Writing Challenge (Days 6-8)

6. Someone who fascinates you and why

My Grandma - her strength.

My Uncle John - his beliefs in loyalty and family

7. What tattoos you have and if they have meaning

I currently have five tattoos, and I would like more. I got my first tattoo when I was eighteen - it was actually my eighteenth birthday present from my parents; they helped pay half for my tattoo. My first tattoo is a Beatles lyric, "All You Need Is Love" except the "Love" is a heart. It's on my left hip bone. I've always liked the song and agreed with the lyric. This tattoo is probably the only one that doesn't have any type of significant meaning to it.

My second tattoo is my last name in Hiragana (Japanese) on my left shoulder. I choose to use Hiragana instead of Kanji because I felt that if I got Kanji people would just presume that it said something like "Love" or "Luck" or something like that but if I did Hiragana, something not highly recognized, they might think it meant something more. My sister also has this tattoo but down the middle of her back. I think of these tattoos as "sister tattoos."

My third tattoo is the tattoo that has the most meaning for me. Before my Uncle John passed away, he wrote many of us letters saying goodbye. Growing up, he used to tell me, "When the going get tough, the tough get going" and I lived by that motto. In his letter, he wrote to me, "When the going get tough, so do we. Don't even compromise your values and principles of life." The tattoo I got is in his handwriting on my left side. It's a constant reminder to keep going and not give up, no matter how difficult life might get and never, ever to compromise my values and principles of life. I miss him tremendously and it serves as a memento.

My fourth tattoo is on my left thigh. One of my favorite authors is F. Scott Fitzgerald. In "This Side of Paradise" there is a quote, "They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered." This has meaning to me because I think you could read into the quote two ways: that you've fallen so much in love with somebody that you're in pure bliss or that you've fallen in love so much that you're wounded and cannot recover. 

My fifth tattoo is on my right side, underneath my chest. It's something I wrote myself, "Unrehearsed you're only a silhouette." To me, this means if you don't work for something, you're nothing.

8. A book you love and a book you didn't

I honestly think most of the book that I have read I've liked!

30-Day Writing Challenge (Days 1 through 5)

Since we're already into the fifth of November, I'll make sure to write about five in this post. I'm hoping by doing this it sparks the creativity in  me again, since it's been a hot second since I've actually really sat down and wrote. 

1) Five Problems with Social Media

Being a social media Queen, coming up with five problems that I whole-heartedly believe might be slightly difficult for me. However, I do understand that there are some major problems with social media, especially with the youth of today. (1) Social media removes the sense of immediate consequence. Many of us turn to social media to rant and rave about things we wouldn't do in real life because it is easy without having to be face to face with an actual person. People tend to say things on social media that they wouldn't dare say had it been in person with somebody. I think this is a huge problem because we don't think before we speak, and while there might not be the immediate human consequence, there is still the social media internet backlash that can happen - and that's instant. (2) I'm pretty sure you can get addicted to social media - how, I'm not really sure because it wouldn't happen to me, but like any addiction, it's no bueno. (3) People forget who their audience is. Enough said. (4) What you post online stays online, forever. (5) Online bullying. Again, enough said.

2) My Earliest Memory

I think the earliest memory I have would be anything with my Grandma Pearl. I have a lot of memories with her, she was one of my rocks, and she was a strong woman who helped mold me into the young woman I am today. I remember as a little kid she used to sing "Moshi Moshi Kame Yo" to me, which is a Japanese children's song. She would also read me Japanese Children's Stories, and I remember we always used to read "Peach Boy." I loved reading with her. We attempted to teach me how to write Japanese as well, but I don't think that went over that well. My Grandma Pearl also used to cut me peaches, when I was little I used to bring her peaches and she would slice them for me. I also remember bringing her eggplant, and she would fry it for me because it was my favorite. 

I really miss my Grandma Pearl. She began taking care of me when she was seventy years old - and I was maybe two at the time? Talk about a hell of a woman. She stepped in (as well as my Aunts and Uncles) and helped take care of me when my dad was going through tough times. We had moved in with her and when he was in rehab, they all became Mom and Dad figures for me. I wouldn't be the person I am today without them and I am so thankful to have every one of them in my life. 

Sometimes I still hear my Grandma Pearl singing "Moshi Moshi Kame Yo" to me, and it brings a smile to my face. RIP Grandma Pearl.

3) My First Love and First Kiss

My first love was my high school boyfriend, Nick. We were in a relationship pretty much all of high school, with a few breaks here and there. When we were together, we thought we'd get married. Looking back, we were nothing more than naive children. We were probably the worst two people to be in a relationship together because we constantly fought with each other. I would say half of the time we were unhappy, and that's no way to be. I do think we did love each other though, as innocent and naive as it might have been.

My first kiss was when I was in elementary school. It was on the Beaumont Elementary playground during recess. It was a guy that I had a big crush on that eventually became my square dance partner for a concert the fifth graders held.

4) Ten Interesting Facts About Myself

(1) I'm allergic to alcohol. I don't have the enzyme that metabolizes alcohol - ALDH2 which leads to a build up of acetaldehyde. It's known as the "Asian Flush" because many people of asian decent have it. My Dad and Uncle Bo (twins) have it, my oldest cousin Andrea does as well. I flush all over my body and turn red in splotches. Sometimes my heart rate quickens. Other times I get a headache. Some of you might be wondering why I drink still... and my simple answer is because I can.

(2) I work in IT but my Undergraduate Degree is in English - Specialization in Writing and Business Administration. 

(3) I used to have a LiveJournal and I wrote in it almost every day though out high school and freshman year of college. I don't write nearly as much anymore, and I wish I did. I used to want to be a novelist and I started my college career off with a creative writing major at The University of Arizona. Writing has always been my outlet. I jokingly tell people that if I didn't write, I probably wouldn't be around and sometimes when I look back at everything I've been through, it's more truth than joke. 

(4) I've been told before that I am like an onion - just when you think you know me, there's another layer to peel off. I'd say it's true.

(5) I have a five year plan to be a director. I'm extremely ambitious and serious about furthering myself in my career.

(6) I'm not afraid to tell people how it is. I'm blunt, straight to the point, and sarcastic as a mother fucker. 

(7) I have an irrational rational fear of werewolves. This is thanks to the tv show Goosebumps back in the day. I blame the episode, "Werewolf Skins."

(8) Apparently I'm regressing in age the older I get.

(9) Sometimes I feel like I'm broken and I won't ever know what it feels like to love somebody again. I don't know if I'm afraid by that feeling, because I'm okay with being alone. I've always been pretty independent and I'm not one that needs a man in her life, I can get by completely fine without one, but there are times when it'd be nice to have somebody you knew that cared about you. I think over time I might get close to finding somebody, but I don't let them in easily, or if I do, I eventually run away or fuck it up somehow because of what I've been though with my ex. I guess I feel like damaged goods sometimes when it comes to love and letting somebody in... I'm afraid they'll eventually end up breaking me even more. I've picked up my pieces before, and it wasn't easy - it's not something I want to do again.

(10) I store a lot of random knowledge and lyrics in my head. If I replaced that with useful things, I'd probably be a lot smarter.

5) A Place I Would Live But Have Never Visited

Ireland. Irish accents, yes please.

Until We Meet Again DeMarco

I thought to text you the other day, just to see how you've been and maybe catch up a bit. You'd liked something on my Facebook and it reminded me how close we had once been and how much I missed you - you and that big, goofy smile of yours and that contagious laugh that always had me giggling along with you.

I meant to reach out to you the other day,  but I didn't. That happens often though I find, where I think to reach out to old friends, or even current friends, but never do. I blame life - we are all busy, and things come up, and prevent you from actually getting in touch like you intend to.

Shame on me... because now you're gone.

I know we haven't talked in quite awhile, but I can't stop wondering if maybe I had texted you like I thought to, maybe, just maybe it would have changed your mind. Maybe the terrible pain you must have been feeling that day would have subsided some, if only I had texted you hello. I know that is a heavy thought to hold, but I can't stop myself from wondering... maybe, and if only.


It's funny how precious life is. Most of us think we are invincible, that death alludes us until it is too late. Some of us opt to take our time long before we are meant to leave. I can't imagine the pain you must have been feeling that day. I keep thinking of how you were found, in the backyard, and I keep replaying scenarios through my head, and it brings tears to my eyes to think that you were all alone. I wish you knew that you in fact weren't alone, that you had such a vast support system, such a large group of friends and family that would have been there for you in a heartbeat. But I can only speculate the darkness that you must have been feeling that day to drive you to the backyard. I am not one to judge. I only wish you knew I was there for you. I wish I could have told you that there was a light in you so bright to not let it fade. I wish I could have told you that I believed in you, and that your time was coming, and not to give up. I hope you knew that you were loved by many, and are still loved deeply, and tremendously. I hope you know that you will be missed.

Most of all, I hope you are at peace DeMarco.

Rest In Paradise.

A Beautiful Catastrophe

I am volatile, unpredictable and changing.
I am broken, beautifully disastrous.
I am maddness, sanity.
I am hell, and paradise.

There is a riot inside of me, a chaotic uproar.
There are horrors in my heart that cannot be contained.
Flames ignite, as I burn violently.
And I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible.

It is so much safer not to feel.
But I desire the things which will destroy me in the end.
You see, it is both a blessing, and a curse
to be too much, and not enough.

                      kkm