I thought to text you the other day, just to see how you've been and maybe catch up a bit. You'd liked something on my Facebook and it reminded me how close we had once been and how much I missed you - you and that big, goofy smile of yours and that contagious laugh that always had me giggling along with you.
I meant to reach out to you the other day, but I didn't. That happens often though I find, where I think to reach out to old friends, or even current friends, but never do. I blame life - we are all busy, and things come up, and prevent you from actually getting in touch like you intend to.
Shame on me... because now you're gone.
I know we haven't talked in quite awhile, but I can't stop wondering if maybe I had texted you like I thought to, maybe, just maybe it would have changed your mind. Maybe the terrible pain you must have been feeling that day would have subsided some, if only I had texted you hello. I know that is a heavy thought to hold, but I can't stop myself from wondering... maybe, and if only.
It's funny how precious life is. Most of us think we are invincible, that death alludes us until it is too late. Some of us opt to take our time long before we are meant to leave. I can't imagine the pain you must have been feeling that day. I keep thinking of how you were found, in the backyard, and I keep replaying scenarios through my head, and it brings tears to my eyes to think that you were all alone. I wish you knew that you in fact weren't alone, that you had such a vast support system, such a large group of friends and family that would have been there for you in a heartbeat. But I can only speculate the darkness that you must have been feeling that day to drive you to the backyard. I am not one to judge. I only wish you knew I was there for you. I wish I could have told you that there was a light in you so bright to not let it fade. I wish I could have told you that I believed in you, and that your time was coming, and not to give up. I hope you knew that you were loved by many, and are still loved deeply, and tremendously. I hope you know that you will be missed.
Most of all, I hope you are at peace DeMarco.
Rest In Paradise.
